


Des wolt ih mih darben

by 2Hummingbirds



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Courtly Love, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Pre-Canon, Sad Ending, Tragic Romance, Unresolved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:27:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23660782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2Hummingbirds/pseuds/2Hummingbirds
Summary: Ingrid and Felix are believers in Courtly Love.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Ingrid Brandl Galatea
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	Des wolt ih mih darben

**Author's Note:**

> I can imagine them eventually being happy together but, I cannot emphasize this enough while you still have the chance to turn back, none of that made it into this fic

"This is perfect," Ingrid said. "I love you too!"  
  
Felix frowned, the first of what would become permanent creases pressing themselves across his soft young face. "You are to be married to Glenn."  
  
"I am," said Ingrid proudly.  
  
"You're supposed to love him," he continued.  
  
"I do!" chirped Ingrid.  
  
"So then you don't love me, and what about this is perfect?" said Felix, the rolling uncertainty from ten minutes ago returning to his stomach, throat, and limbs in force. Even at his age, he knew this was a risky act, and a shameful one - admitting his feelings she could not return - but he had told her anyway, because there was no one he trusted quite the same.  
  
"I do! It's different. It's Courtly Love," said Ingrid, unable to help wiggling her feet in excitement although she was praised so well for sitting still. "It's like in my book. I wanted to show you."  
  
Felix sighed at the mention of books and Ingrid hopped off her bed and ran to her bookshelf, correctly taking his sigh as assent. She returned with a fabric-bound volume, worn in spots, diamond patterns on the spine. Felix squinted at the name on the cover.  
  
"Eleanor _von_ Galatea?"  
  
Ingrid wrinkled her nose. "She married into Adrestia, and this was the name she became known by. We don't have to talk about that part. She commissioned and collected this body of _Tales from the Court of Lycaon III_."  
  
"More Adrestia," commented Felix.  
  
"That's not the important part! I already said!" She bristled up so cutely, his tiny heart ached. He'd savor this, his ability to do this even in the midst of their undoing, just in case whatever Ingrid had in her book would not actually save them.  
  
As much as he'd like to believe that she would. As much as Ingrid, and everybody else, said that true love would save you, it didn't calm the roiling in his gut at this moment. He knew she would have liked it, considered it love if he had faith in her, but to Felix it was love enough that he chose to tell her when it was doomed.  
  
"Lycaon III is before we were Faerghus anyway! This is ancient stuff. The most famous tale is this one, and the others are all a little like it: Lycaon's best friend, sworn brother, and most loyal knight Lanzelet was in love with his queen, Ganhumara, and she loved him in return, but they could never express it openly, for she was wed to another. But that just made it even better! It was the purest thing in the world - they could not touch, could not pledge themselves to one another, so their love was all they had."  
  
"Didn't Lycaon get the short end of all of this, then...?"  
  
"No, they loved him too, both of them, but it was more of a dutiful way," said Ingrid. Felix loved his brother, and could get behind this, somewhat.  
  
"There's a bunch more," she continued, flipping past a list of names and contents. "You should read them. This one, Iseult, was wed to her true love's uncle, the aging King-"  
  
"Ingrid, do I have to read it?" whined Felix.  
  
"Some of these were made into operas, you know."  
  
Goddess above, she could manipulate him when she wanted to. "...Which."  
  
"Sir Lazward and the Lady of the Lake."  
  
"I'll read that one, then, _no_ , Ingrid don't give me your book. I'll get my own later. Dima can find one for me." He could tell she was relieved to hold on to her special copy.  
  
"Suit yourself. But you do have to read it. Here Lady Eleanor wrote down a list of rules for Courtly Love: the knight opens doors for his lady, stands til she sits, asks for her favor at tourney. And then there are the more important ones, principles to hold in the mind: Love is ennobling, Love is duty, Love is piety. Love rarely endures when not kept a secret - so it's good the only person you told was me -" Felix had not told her that he didn't tell anybody else, but she knew all the same. "Love is humble gallantry, that's like our legend, Kyphon, and this last one, marriage is no excuse not to Love."  
  
"Sounds contradictory," said Felix, head swimming. Felix cared about Glenn. Ingrid cared about Glenn. This he knew with greater certainty than he knew the order of the cycle of moons. How could she act like this wasn't a problem that would end up with all of them hurt? It upset him so much to think about. Did Ingrid not have the same sick jittering feel in her hands?  
  
He never had the brain for this stuff, he only had his entrails to rely on - guts fluttering, heart pattering, lungs crushing with guilt. Sick overabundance of humors threatening to push out of him, even now, even though he thought the thing he was full of to bursting was the secret of loving Ingrid, since that had left and the pressure had not, maybe it was yellow bile or blood. It was his body that told Felix, more than anything else, to be upset at this.  
  
"It's not!" said Ingrid, insistent. "It's meant to go alongside, it's a different set of rules."  
  
"Rules," said Felix, abstractions clicking into place. "You found even more rules that allow that you break the other ones."  
  
"Felix! It's not!" said Ingrid. And then Felix knew that she was trying to talk down her own body from the shaking that he felt. Perhaps she had realized it long before he did, and prepared all her words in advance. "I'm following all the rules, and maybe people would like you better if you followed more of them too! Are you going to ask for my favor at the next tourney or not?"  
  
Felix considered this, pouting. "Shouldn't you be the one riding? You're better at it." Felix didn't even handle a lance. Glenn was to be the cavalier after their father, and Felix would inherit the sword, was the plan.  
  
"That's- that isn't how it works," said Ingrid, though he could tell it pained her, because she could be an excellent cavalier. "I'm the lady."  
  
What was the point of being able to break the old rules, Felix thought, if the new ones still made Ingrid unhappy? But he'd do as she asked and take what he could.  
  
"Fine. Sword tourneys too, though, so I can win them. And then what?"  
  
"Mmm... oh, Glenn sends you on quests and then you do them and come back because you love me."

This part, Felix was better equipped to handle. He had already been preparing his whole life to wield blades and slay beasts and serve in battle. But--  
  
"Won't I have to do what Glenn tells me to anyway?" Felix's uncle obeyed Duke Rodrigue, after all. Felix fidgeted. His hands were still buzzing and clammy. "I'm not seeing how this is different, Ingrid. It still sounds like you marry him, and we can't be together at all."  
  
"We'll live together all the time!" Ingrid said. "And it's not that we can't be together. It makes it a purer kind of love, that burns in spite of the lack of reward. It changes everything, Felix, don't you see? Because even though we do our solemn duty, it changes our reason for doing it to our love for each other, and that's the only change that matters."

It wasn't the only change that mattered. It was just the only change he was going to get. Felix could see that now. It seemed Ingrid's idea of love had more in common with his own than he'd previously imagined.  
  
"Then I'll serve as your knight," said Felix, Ingrid clapping her hands. "But you should come on the quests with me. You fight well and ride better. There's no rule against that, is there?"  
  
A smile brightened Ingrid's face. "There is not."  
  
But when Felix and Glenn and Dimitri were sent to the front lines at Duscur, it seemed a new rule had been made. Ingrid's father kept her home, and Felix went on his quest alone. And Felix came back even more alone than he had started.  
  
Ingrid's hair was loose and her eyes rimmed with red. She sat in a chair, but Felix still stood, leaning against the wall. Though Felix was known as a child for crying at anything, he had used it all up, face like a salt-encrusted stone while Ingrid made hers soft and ugly with fresher tears.  
  
"I inherit his title now,"  
  
"Felix, I cant," croaked Ingrid softly.  
  
"His title, but not his troth, until I consulted with you-"  
  
"Why are you doing this now? Felix?"  
  
"Why do you want me to wait? Life is short."  
  
Ingrid made a drawn noise of ragged agitation.  
  
"You know that I can't already, Felix, you know this, and everything about me, you know I can't think-"  
  
"I did," Felix cut her off. Then he added, "You're more loyal to him in death."  
  
"Would you have me change it!" she wailed at him.  
  
"I wouldn't."  
  
"Then why are you saying this to me! I know it already! Just to be cruel?"  
  
Felix didn't have an answer for that.  
  
"I can't do this right now, Felix. Maybe not ever. I- I still love you. But Love? The ultimate piety, duty, devotion, when Glenn gave his life? It's like a joke now. I should've-" she stops.  
  
"We are in agreement then," he said, shallow smile cracking his face because some small gesture of comfort for Ingrid was more important right now. "We're not so bad off, Ingrid, we're just the same as before. It's pure, what did you call it? Unfulfilled?" He did not mention that in terms of love being greater the more it had to win out over distance, he could no longer hope to compete with his brother.  
  
Ingrid gulped down a sob and nodded. "The same as before."  
  
Felix closed his eyes and stayed leaning against the far wall as Ingrid collected her shuddering breaths. If he willed hard enough, he could think of it as a continuation of their old game - a romance built up like religion, instead of a penance for being alive. Perhaps he had believed in Courtly Love from the very beginning; but Felix used a different word for it.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's a fun fact: I rewrote the location names from Fodlan into the Carmina Burana mvt 10, but ended up not using it, so all that remains is the song lyric title.


End file.
